4 weeks ago today my friend Amy died... died... I still can't believe it most days. I remember the call at 4 "something" AM Jan 25th. "she gone sweetie"... Of course I knew the second the phone rang, but hearing those words turned my world upside down. While Amy's passing was not sudden, you just can't believe when it actually happens.
Like she's gone... really gone...
Losing a friend feels different then losing a parent. At least for me. I can't explain it...The loss is immeasurable in either case. Parents are supposed to die before their kids. Your 46 year old, childhood friend is NOT. We were supposed to grow old together. Get a "spinster" apartment together. Take my boys camping..There were a lot more "things" we were supposed to do together.
Amy had just recently unloaded some major life baggage. She was on a positive path while searching for meaning and trying to reinvent herself...She was on a quest!. She wanted answers. Answers to everything!!! Amy was the most inquisitive person I have ever known! It's who she was..always.. I can remember numerous family dinners at my Dad's years ago where Amy would bend his ear with a million questions... mostly "what is the meaning of life" types. Amy was always questioning.
I think what I am realizing more and more every day is that while Amy was on this journey to a better understanding of life. A journey, I thought, she was supposed travel HERE. I think I lost sight that perhaps her journey was not meant to continue here... it was meant to continue "there" (wherever that is)... Maybe it's why she had to leave us so soon. Perhaps it's just my way of dealing with such an enormous loss but it IS what I believe in my heart.
When I think of Amy I am most times still so very sad BUT she has sent me some wonderful signs letting me know she's ok and that makes me smile :-). She may not have been able to find all the answers to her million and one questions here, but I have no doubt she has found them "there".
I love you girl! Enjoy your journey ....
<3
ReplyDeletelove it!
ReplyDeleteCindy. Thank-you for writing this. I am still so sad. I tried writing something but had trouble finding words. I did anyway because I was unable to write anything else on my blog - as every time I tried, I kept circling back to Amy. It is a terrible loss. I want to call her on the phone. I miss her. Thinking of you and hoping you are well.
ReplyDeleteJohna - I think about our dear Amy EVERY day... I miss her so deeply. I know you do too. I do believe she is finally at peace.. I have to believe that...
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