And Autism Awareness month comes to an end....

Ok so here we are at the end of April. Autism Awareness month. I try to spend this month being more "aware" of the positive things autism brings to my life instead of the negative stuff :)  Autism is hard, no doubt, but it's also really truly special.

Back when Drew was first diagnosed by a neurologist with the WORST bedside manners I have seen, she said to me, "Cole will be Drew's best therapist"... HUH?? Really lady???  Because all I know is that "they" tell me now I'm supposed to run out and find all the best therapists, specialists and teachers in the whole wide world!!! That's who is supposed to help my kid.

Well over the years I have tried to be "aware" of how much influence/help Cole has been for Drew and you know what?? He REALLY has been Drew's best therapist! Seriously. Cole has probably taught his brother more than any therapist or specialist combined!!! If I really watch the dynamics between the two it is so clear to see... "Drew it's like this.... Drew do it like this..Drew come try this...Drew over here!!... Drew look at this... Drew you say it like this.. Drew it goes like this.." 

I know sometimes it's easy to see Drew's amazing strengths... They all sort of ooze to the outside.. Cole's strengths sometimes remain unseen... quite...sitting in the back round...But this month I paid attention. I mean REALLY paid attention... And instead of  saying to Cole "you are not his Mother" (which I can do a lot! (cringe) ) I let it be... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oH3goPVT3Rk

So this month I was completely "aware" that I have two really special kids. Drew's abilities may all show on the outside but Cole's are there as well.. just in a quiet more subtile way...soooOOoo Cole :) He is an AMAZING brother/friend/therapist to Drew...And I feel like the luckiest Mom ever :)

So see you next year "Autism Awareness Month"... Let's all try to be just a tad bit more aware all year :).. It's amazing what you'll see...

Ahhh April.... Autism Awareness month...

April is Autism Awareness month and while we are wrapping up I thought I would reflect on my "awareness" ;-).

When Drew was first diagnosed I remember feeling helpless...hopeless...lost...terrified.... I wanted to "fix" it.. "change" it... take it away.  I searched and hoped for a "cure" or a least something to make it "better". And trust me I tried many "things". I remember reading articles, blogs and posts from other parents wishing and doing  the same thing...  and then I came across something soooo interesting... it sounded off the wall and bat-shit crazy.... SOME parents didn't wish autism away!!!! WHAT??!!! You're kidding, right?? Who wouldn't want this horrible, terrifying, life changing disorder GONE??? I know I did.... at one point. "They" would say things like "autism is part of who he is..if you take it away you would take away a part of him". Crazy people, right???

Well Drew is 10, almost 11 and I have been traveling this journey for sometime now. We have good days, GREAT days and some completely horrible, make them go away, never want to remember them days... Autism SUCKS.. sometimes. I'm not gonna lie. But so do a LOT of things. Typical kids can be a challenge.. sometimes... Life is hard. Sometimes. So why treat autism any differently? What does the future hold?? Who knows! No one does. Not for any of our kids. All we have is now. I can not and will not waste energy wondering  or worrying about tomorrow.

Today brought me to a new level of understanding, accepting, AWARENESS. Over the years I have learned to surrender, embrace and let go so many aspects of my life. Autism should be no different. And today I now TOTALLY get those parents that didn't want a "magic pill" to make "it" disappear . Drew is who he is. And I won't try to take any of it away... that includes autism. 

 Autism is a huge part of who Drew is and without it there might not be this.... So bring it autism... I'll take it :)

(and thanks Cole for letting me upload to your youtube channel... You ROCK too kiddo!!  Love you both to pieces!)

Here and There

4 weeks ago today my friend Amy died... died... I still can't believe it most days. I remember the call at 4 "something" AM Jan 25th. "she gone sweetie"... Of course I knew the second the phone rang, but hearing those words turned my world upside down. While Amy's passing was not sudden, you just can't believe when it actually happens.

 Like she's gone... really gone... 

Losing a friend feels different then losing a parent. At least for me. I can't explain it...The loss is immeasurable in either case.  Parents are supposed to die before their kids. Your 46 year old, childhood friend is NOT. We were supposed to grow old together. Get a "spinster" apartment together.  Take my boys camping..There were a lot more "things" we were supposed to do together. 

Amy had just recently unloaded some major life baggage. She was on a positive path while searching for meaning and trying to reinvent herself...She was on a quest!. She wanted answers. Answers to everything!!! Amy was the most inquisitive person I have ever known! It's who she was..always..  I can remember numerous family dinners at my Dad's years ago where  Amy would bend his ear with a million questions... mostly "what is the meaning of life" types. Amy was always questioning.

I think what I am realizing more and more every day is that while  Amy was on this journey to a better understanding of life. A journey, I thought, she was supposed travel HERE. I think I lost sight that perhaps her journey was not meant to continue here... it was meant to continue "there" (wherever that is)... Maybe it's why she had to leave us so soon. Perhaps it's just my way of dealing with such an enormous loss but it IS what I believe in my heart. 

When I think of Amy I am most times still so very sad BUT she has sent me some wonderful signs letting me know she's ok and that makes me smile :-). She may not have been able to find all the answers to her million and one questions here, but I have no doubt she has found them "there".

I love you girl! Enjoy your journey ....