He's still got it!

In December 2010 I went to lunch with a friend.... We talked about Christmas and traditions. I had heard about this "elf on a Shelf" thing and asked her what she thought ;-)... I mean we already had certain traditions at Christmas time. Ones that I LOVED... cutting down our tree...stopping at Hot Dog Johnny's on the way home...reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas" the night before CHRISTMAS!! But for some reason I was drawn to this silly little elf idea. My friend dropped me off after lunch and about an hour later I get a call from her... "are you home??" she asks.. "Why yes I am!!" I respond... Next thing I know she is pulling up to my house and what does she have??? THE ELF!!! (Thanks Eileen!!) and so the tradition began...
In 2010 the boys were 7 years old... Still totally believing in Santa so the idea of Erwin our Elf was easy :)... 2011 the boys still really believe...in Santa and Erwin but I know I am on borrowed time... So fast forward to 2012... About half the kids in 4th grade do NOT believe in Santa and LOVE telling the other half about it!!! SHUT UP!! :-) (who am I kidding.. I found out before my brother, who is older and couldn't WAIT to tell him and of course in turn he told a bunch of his friends...) So this year I am unsure of what the boys will think of Erwin.
A few days ago Erwin DID return and I must say I was a little disappointed (heartbroken really)...with the boys reaction...

Seriously lacked the fanfare I was hoping for... I mean LOOK!!! He was shipped from the North Pole!! I thought it was super cute!!(totally stole the idea from the internet...but who am I kidding...it's where all my ideas come from!!) The boys reaction was sorta blah... But I did over hear Cole talking to his friends the next day at school informing them of Erwin's arrival...
Day 2...

He decorated the boys "mini" tree... Well maybe a tad more excitement ... and a really small "tad"!! Cole really just wanted to know if he could keep the ornaments... 
Day 3..

Blah again... They thought Erwin was sorta funny but Cole was more worried about the fish getting cleaned after Erwin went back to the North Pole the next night..(your Elf returns to the North Pole every night to report to Santa on your behavior then comes back to your house and shows up in a different spot everyday... exhausting..trust me!!)
Day 4..

 Ok NOW we are getting somewhere.. This went over big except poor Cole thought Erwin was trying to "clean" the toilet(he does NOT get that from his Mother...let's be clear!), not fully understanding that Elves  pee green ;-).. But at least I can hear the "buzz" when he is talking to his friends... Ok I, I mean Erwin, still stands a chance of pulling this off :-)..
Day 5...

BINGO!! It happened.. Cole wakes me up and tells me I HAVE to come see what Erwin did now...Excitement was in the air! Cole turns to me and says... "Wow Erwin is amazing..so funny. I can't believe this.. he is super cool..maybe even cooler than Santa!!" 
YES!!! I, I mean, he's still got it!!! Thank you Erwin for keeping our Christmas spirit!!
Hoping you all have the Christmas spirit this year and always :)

Abney Fridays

I am noticing here at the Abney's that we are accumulating a lot of "traditions" on our Fridays....
The first started awhile back when I began to realize that Kid B (Cole) was going to OBSESS about computers. Now while I like to let my kids "lead" in their interests, this one was/is a LOT and I need an occasional break! So I deemed Fridays "computer free Friday" meaning Cole could NOT talk to me about computers on Fridays... It works, sorta ;-)

Kid A ( Drew) also some how started pimping me for some sort of food option after school on Fridays... Whether it be McDonald's, Rita's or a trip to Ikea for meatballs he ALWAYS asks (and gets) some sort of "special" food thing on Fridays :)... which isn't too bad a tradition because at least I don't have to cook!! Hey look ANOTHER break for ME on Fridays... (silver lining)
We also have dubbed Fridays "lazy Friday"...We usually put our PJ's on early and are complete bums... even the dogs join in :)

 And lately I do a lot of this....

I like this tradition! No pressure, no demands, no obligations... I need it after a long week ;-)
NOW to the latest tradition...Not sure how, when or why it started but it has and doesn't look like it is going anywhere ANY time soon.... "sleep in Mommy's bed Friday!!" which of course follows into "sleep in Mommy's bed Saturday!" ... which then .... oh hell let's call it "sleep in Mommy's bed WEEKEND!" And this is what it looks like..

It aint pretty but you know what?? It's sorta growing on me :) At first I didn't really like the idea. I love having my bed to myself (well sharing it with the dogs and cat..so not really alone) but when you think about it...how long are my boys going to want to sleep with their Mom?? They are growing up sooooo fast sometimes I want to stop time (but don't worry, that feeling doesn't last long!) sooo I am quickly learning to embrace the "Abney Family Bed" tradition and I don't really care what day it falls on .... But come to think of it what day does Christmas Eve fall on because this might mess EVERYTHING up!!
Oh well! Go out there and start some traditions...and enjoy :)

Our new normal... Thanks Sandy ;-)

Hurricane Sandy came knocking on Monday Oct 29, 2012. We were ready. Or so I thought. Spent the day before getting flashlights, batteries, food, did laundry and made sure everything was charged up. I even topped of gas in my car. Now that's prepared!!!

Drew has been having stomach pain on and off for a week before the storm...but Monday he was a mess (of course!! why not?!!). Throwing up and miserable. I put in a call to his doctor thinking she would just say ride it out and come into the office the next day... NOPE.. she was worried. Appendicitis she thought... great :(. And all this at around 4pm....storm getting stronger... Off to the ER we went( sooooo grateful Kelsey was here to help with Cole...THANKS girl!!). We needed blood work. I was worried how Drew would handle it...but that kid surprises me all the time.. Watched them draw blood the ENTIRE time.. (I couldn't do that!!) And only cried when they left the line in.. not happy about that part :(

 BRAVE BRAVE BRAVE!! And thankfully the results were negative for appendicitis...PHEW!! Now we just had to drive home in the height of the hurricane... only 1/2 mile, but it was pure terror. Branches blowing and falling everywhere..power lines had already started to come down.. Something I don't EVER need to experience again. Once was plenty, thank you :)

Back home with a kid who at the very least was not going to have his appendix burst, I was thrilled to sit down to dinner and a glass of wine.... we still had power :)... 

7:19pm that all changed. Lights OUT. Storm picking up. Flashlights on and listening to the radio. Our tree out front came down around 10pm taking down additional lines... this was NOT good, but the kids LOVED the headlamps! 

Candles lit and it was puzzle time...

Now it wasn't too bad the first day or two... School was canceled all week (boys were thrilled!) and so was Halloween (not so thrilled...but we ate all the candy we had!)...2nd year in a row! Our dear friends the Lombardi's tolerated us almost EVERY night for dinner ;-). I truly don't know how we would have made it through without them!! THANKS GUYS!!.. Friends came by with candles, batteries and food..THANKS Grace, Donna, Carly and Amy!!... And thank you to all that checked in on us.... but being in a cold house during part of the day and for the night REALLY wears aways at you..kwim?? The house hit 54 degree and by day 3-4 I was ready to lose it :(..

Certain things became our new "normal... Solar lamps and solar chargers... and although I was grateful we had them...it was getting old.quick.

Cue our lovely neighbors!! Long story but their kid's friends got power back and lent out their generator... We came home one cold night and they were all outside setting it up...and then said.."throw us a plug!"... THANK YOU Corrine, Mike, Bob and Mrs Harney ;-)!!!

 OMG!! It was not a big generator but enough for a lamp, phone charge and an hour or so for the space heater to get the chill out of the air :-)

I can't begin to explain how this ^ "lightened" the mood... literally!! And while things were feeling a tad better at the Abney house things outside were not so good... Gas lines.. no gas... no food.. still no power in a TON of areas..People had to lock up and chain their generators because others were stealing them... people were having the gas 

syphoned from their cars .... fights in the gas lines... ugly stuff :(

 The news from PSE&G never was good...We were scheduled to be back up Nov. 9th!!!!!! Holy CRAP!! Nov. 9th!!! Gas was getting harder to come by for the generator and the thought of going 10-12 days without power was insane!!!

We ended day 6 without power with Drew still feeling yucky and no progress on our tree or power lines... I lay on the aero-bed with both boys, dogs and cat trying to stay warm, Drew was up complaining about his stomach...as I try to settle him back down....all of a sudden... beep... beep (microwave!).... and a few lights flicker on... NO WAY!!! 1:50 am on day 7 we have F*CKING(excuse my language)  power!!! JUMP out of bed and this is what I see... (yay open fridge with it's lights on!)

YES!!! What a HUGE relief...But still so odd because our tree was still down with the power lines across the road... but I'll take it!! The boys woke up and once realized that power was back up, went right back to what they were doing at 7:18pm Oct 29th.... COMPUTERS!! We even had internet!! Life was good!!! And even better when the WONDERFUL Kastrati's came and took my car to get gas!! Now things were really looking up!

The crew from Florida came by to clean us up and reattach the lines...Yay FPL!!...many neighbors were still out..

I just wanted to hug and squeeze them but I would rather have not spent my first night back with power in jail for sexual harassment ;-)...Turns out we had a bad line coming into the house. we were lucky that we had power at all once it came back up... they asked us to shut off the house while they fix it and I have never been happier to oblige....almost 7 days without power, I think I can handle another hour or 2!!!

So now as we SLOWLY get back to normal.. kids back to school...house warm..filling the fridge with food, I look back and feel we have all learned so much from this experience.

1. I have AMAZING friends!!! (but I sorta knew that already!)

2. We all know how to make "stove toast" and sorta like it!

3. I can now get a room from 54 degrees to 61 degrees using pots of hot water.. and I'm damn good at it if I do say so ;-) and 61 degrees feels WAAAAAAY warmer then 54... just sayin'

4. We NEED a generator... It is now officially on my Christmas list along with empty (or full!) gas cans.

5. And I will NEVER(ok maybe not never..) complain again about doing laundry, vacuuming, running the dishwasher, the music and/or tv being too loud and I PROMISE to all my dear friends that know I normally keep my house cold, I will CRANK the heat for you all and even myself and the boys every now and then!!

Peace people... I hope you were and are safe and warm...Now lets get ready for that Nor'easter coming our way!!! On to a NEW normal... :-)

It's not easy....

I had a meeting today at school. The boys are in the same class this year so meeting with only one teacher has been nice... :) We are trying to get together once a month to discuss the boys progress (or lack there of). 

Cole has dyslexia (and an auditory processing disorder ( I hate that word "disorder") ) He has a 504 at school but it's just not enough and fortunately (and unfortunately) it is becoming more and more apparent (the school is STILL fighting me on giving Cole an IEP) that he is struggling ...

Really?? How hard is it to see?? Well to be honest his teacher sees it! (we <3 her) but the CST (child study team) is ignoring it ....for now ;-)... I'll get it!!! Watch me :)

Drew is doing well. A few outbursts here and there, good days and some not so good days... but his teacher and Ms C are AMAZING!! SO grateful to have Ms C with him again... we need her around FOREVER :) So onward we go...trying to keep Drew in a good place and GETTING Cole in one!!

Years ago when Drew was first diagnosed with autism I was searching the internet.... researching... I came across a site with a picture of a boy and his autism story..in the back round played  "Superman" by Five for Fighting....

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
It's all right, you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy, or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
I'm only a man
Looking for a dream

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it's not easy

Its not easy to be me

UGH!! I love that song but now it was going to be forever associated (for me) with autism.... But I guess the words are true (some days)...and lately, for Cole, It's NOT easy...

Today after school while walking to the car, Drew was singing... and out of the blue..."I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane.... And it's not easy to beeeeeee me"... 

No kid, sometimes it's not... but sometimes it's amazingly wonderful :-) Bigger, brighter days ahead for my Supermen!

Don't judge...

Yesterday we were off to buy new shoes for Cole...For the first time Cole outgrew his shoes but didn't quite make it into Drew's old shoes (too big)....  I promised them lunch at Wendy's hoping it would illicit  good behavior for the dreaded shoe shopping. 
As we were standing in line at Wendy's to order I see a little boy RUNNING all over the place! Mom placing her order and yelling for him to PLEASE stop... I judged...ever so briefly...but I judged.. "Ugh seriously" I said to myself... "this is not a playground" And moved on...
We get our food and now I have completely forgotten about the running, screaming child...we sit down..3 tables in a corner and 2 are already taken but this where my kids want to sit. An older woman sits at the middle table and a mom and her young son sit at the table next to her ... I over hear a conversation they are having (clearly strangers but chatting non the less)... and they are talking about autism.... I wonder if I should chime in or just keep to myself.. but at this point I realize the woman I just judged 5 minutes ago was sitting right here and her son has autism.... and I judged her..She was ME when Drew was younger (and not that we don't still have moments..but...). She begins to talk about vaccines and not wanting to do them anymore and of course the issue with going to school... here's my chance. I have info that can help her...no more judging, just the opportunity to help another mom... So we ALL begin chatting! How nice it was to learn about this mom and her son and turns out the older woman's husband has Aspergers and their daughter has 5 kids all with "something" (autism, aspergers, cognitive issues). What are the chances we would all meet!?
The mom and I exchange emails so I could send her some info and she leaves with her once again RUNNING through the restaurant son :-)... The other woman and I sit and chat for awhile.. She talked with my boys and picked up on sooo much. She could see how sweet and smart Drew is ...She saw how amazingly bright Cole was but KNEW he had some "issues". WOW this woman meets us and talks with us for maybe 15 minutes and can "see" all this!!....totally nonjudgemental. How nice it was to have a total stranger take some time to talk with us and NOT judge.... BIG lesson learned...So no silly, goofy pictures or stories of the boys today... Just a BIG thank you to the Universe for stepping in ...I needed that :)
Peace people.....

Change in season...change in Kid A...

Fall is here... kids are back at school...and I love this time of year (weather wise).. BUT it is so very hard for Drew. And this post is ALL about that amazingly wonderful and sometime crabby kid!  Getting back into the routine of school can be bumpy to say the least and actually this year has been better than others(we have an amazing teacher this year and both boys are in the same class..a first!)...but when the meltdowns come, they come BIG! There is ALWAYS a silver lining...and sometimes I need tons of reminders that we (Drew) has come such a long long way...but he does make sure I am reminded ;-)...
Now normally I read to the boys before bed but lately I haven't..not even a little (guess I need to return my Mother of the Year award..)...but when we DID read, I would read chapter books..the kind without too many pictures not like when they were little :)... sooooo the other night they climbed into bed (the aerobed blown up in the middle of their room because once AGAIN they don't want to sleep apart...(remember the bunk beds?? Completely unloved at this point!)..guess the silver lining is they are not in MY bed (which has also occurred lately) !! Drew grabs a book off the bookshelf and says "I'm going to read"....

 Our most favorite book EVER! And he reads it so sweetly...every word of it :) So no matter how tough that day was, this made it all better.
Drew has also been waaaay more involved with caring for the dogs.. When we walk he makes sure he walks one... (Mr Turner!!)

And today took it upon himself to play with Miles... the only thing Miles likes to do..he is OBSESSED :)

But Drew is so calm and peaceful when he is doing these things...The silver lining in the bumpy road lately...I remind myself there ALWAYS is one..
He does still have major obsessions but lately I LOVE the new one he has... He absolutely loves...

The song..."Time in a Bottle" He heard it once on my iPod and made me put it on his.. and plays and sings it over and over... Normally his repeating of things drive me BAT sh*t crazy but not this... he could do this all day.... another silver lining in our autism journey :)

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you...

What 9 year olds say...

So today I took these goof balls out....

Cole and Drew and their friend Quaid... We went to Ikea and stuff but along the way they did a lot of talking... I just listened(mostly)... and took notes ;-)
Here it goes....

Kid Q: I watched Friday the 13th!
Kid B: That's not that scary (he's NEVER seen it or even heard of it!!)
Kid Q: I know ... Jason punched this teenager's head off.
Kid B: Did you ever see that commercial on NICK(Nickelodeon) where the kid takes his head off??
Mom: There's no blood and guts in that commercial....

Kid Q: I got my picture taken with Chris Christie.
Mom: Kid B Kid A, do you know who that is???
Kid B Kid A: NOPE!
Mom: That's my boys!

Kid B: How old are you?
Kid Q: 9
Kid B: Oh yeah, me too. I keep forgetting. Sooo many friends. Sooo many names... Sooo many numbers...

Entering Ikea.
Kid Q: Do I need a big yellow bag??
(um no kid, you don't)

Kid B: Hey Dude
Kid Q: Dude
Kid A: Dude
Kid B: Dude....

Kid B: DUDE you're like 100% stronger then me!
Kid Q: Look I'm not even trying!! Imagine if I was...

Kid Q: Grown ups don't cry when they get hurt.
Kid B: Well sometimes they do.
Kid Q: NO they don't . They could like break a bone or something and they just wince.
Mom: Hey Kid Q...Grown ups CRY when they get hurt!
Kid B: Well sometimes they cry...
Kid A: I cry!
Kid Q:  OK grown up ATHLETES don't cry when they get hurt.

Kid Q: People that were born to swim never drown. Unless of course someone pulls you down...like a shark.
Kid B: Yeah I wish I was born to swim.
Kid Q: Well maybe you were born to swim in a small pool... not like an ocean.
Kid A: I CAN SWIM!!

Riveting, I know. 
Happy Labor Day people... and here's hoping you were born to swim :)

Here we go again....

Every now and then Cole wants to sleep in my bed...This hasn't happened in awhile but just a few nights ago he ended up crawling into my bed around 4:23am...and I would know the exact time 'cause I'm a light sleeper (some think I never really sleep)~! And then he did it again the next night... at 5:13am ;-)..So the last 2 nights when putting them to bed I was asked RIGHT away "can I sleep in your bed tonight?" (as opposed to sneaking in in the middle of the night!) UGH..ok kid....but of course that doesn't mean just one kid, it means two ;-). So this is what my bed looks like lately...

And this is what I wake up to in the morning... :)

And it's Sunday so there was NO chance of sleeping in... (there never is!).....Rise and shine!!

I love that my 9 year olds, 4th graders still want to snuggle with their Mom... I know it wont last forever...so for now, I'll take it even if it's a TAD cramped ...dogs, kids and all ;-)

Best day ....EVER!

Ok so it's been pretty shitty 'round here lately...ok REALLY shitty...but today wasn't :). 

Drew's second Mom (we <3 you Ms. C and Amy!)  came and picked him up for an afternoon of fun, 

so it was just me and Cole... This senario happens almost NEVER. Cole gets invited to play dates. Drew not so much. So Drew and I have had a lot of together time but Cole and I rarely do...

While Drew was off with his most favorite person in the world and Amy(hope he was nice to you, Amy!)  Cole and I had the afternoon together!.... First stop. D & Ds for lunch!

Yes of course we had to have a donut too!!! Mmmmm Boston Cream!! And Cole made sure we brought one home for his brother...awwww :)

Next we strolled through Target so he could pick out some things... my non-athletic computer geek wanted a soccer ball..YAY!! Go Cole!! While in line to check out he actually asked what time Drew would be home... he missed him!!! Double awww :)

Came home and first had to watch the butterflies on the butterfly bush... the last few days have been AMAZING..butterflies and bees EVERYWHERE... Super cool :)

And then my IT guy wanted to kick the ball around for a bit... good thing we didn't hit Miles with it (not like he'd even notice!)

What a GREAT day! It was so special spending time with Cole...one on one. He really is fabulous kid :)

Then it was off to pick up my other fabulous kid....He had a BLAST as well!! Thank you Ms. C and Amy!!

Oh yeah he pimped them for a Birthday hat .... Funny since he will have to wait till next JUNE to wear it for reals!!

Here's to more great days!!! Well school IS just around the corner...YAY! (I didn't say that! )...So long summer :)

It's the worst day EVER......!

.....This is what I heard from Kid A by 9:30am this morning. The day is still young kid ;-)... well ACTUALLY it's been the worst week or two ever :(... I won't even begin with me getting  shingles earlier this summer. That SUCKED!! Thankfully I have the BEST friends EVER :-)

Drew has been OFF and I mean off BIG time... melt down after melt down. HORRIBLE listening skills...shit fit after shit fit...combative.... argumentative... UGH! I just want to pack my stuff and get the hell OUT!! But alas normally I have pretty good kids... :)

But lately they have been fighting and bickering (I guess like typical siblings but I am SOOOO not used to it!) So needless to say it has not been all butterflies and unicorns around here..BLAH.

This morning as I tried to shower.. I heard the shit storm... screaming, yelling and then crying... Cole comes to me, tears pouring down his face and tells me he broke the tv remote because he got so mad and frustrated with Drew....and then says "I'm so sorry Mom".... Ok, fix the remote, calm Kid B and send Kid A to his room for being the provoker. Tell Kid A to stay in his room till I finish showering :)...Cause who the hell knows what could happened if I left those two animals alone ;-)... I shower with my ear to the door to make sure Drew stays in his room...not very relaxing at all.

I exit the bathroom, Kid A emerges from his room...tears in his eyes, comes over and says "I'm sorry Mom...I love you" and then goes and says sorry to Kid B....and that is how I make it through every day :)...I have good kids even when they are being the BIGGEST little shits out there ;-)

So heres to brighter, happier and slightly easier days...I can only hope :-)

Instagram OBSESSED

Ok so lately I am OBSESSED with Instagram... Its a photo app that allows you to put "filters" on your photos for a cool look... I find myself taking pictures CONSTANTLY...I love the camera on my phone but then I discovered Instagram and now I can't stop !!!
I take pictures of my kids...

The dogs...

Food...

More food..

 Peacock at the zoo and my Neti pot....

 Strange, I know... but for some reason I keep doing it... I think I am turning into my mother. She had her damn camera in her hand ALL the time!!! Snapping pictures of every damn thing...I hated IT!! But she didn't have Instagram ;-)