Yup...10 months after my last post I have something to say!!
Today I had a "light bulb" moment....I know crazy right?? Any waaaaaay... I have been thinking a lot about the dynamic of having 2 kids. One with "special" needs and one "typical" (I use that term lightly :))
I feel like since Kid A (Drew) diagnosis of autism, it's all "we" do is try and make him "typical". Or should I say "appear" typical. Autism never goes away, so what are we really doing?? Covering it up?? Burying it?? Masking it? Making him something he's not?? What are we REALLY doing?? And how does it affect him? His self esteem..his spirit..his soul...?
Ok so Kid B (Cole). My "typical" kid. Well we all know he's not that "typical" but in general he is. He's not one of the cool kids. He struggles in school with his own set of learning issues. But he doesn't have any serious social issues. He doesn't stand out as being too odd or different. So I got to thinking (I know, hard to believe!!) Cole IS different, just different enough to make him NOT one of the "cool" kids... a little quiet... a lot of geeky.... not athletic AT ALL...different. He marches to a different drum. Has a few close friends. Not a lot. So what do I do as a parent??? I don't ask him to be "cool" or try to be popular so he fits in better...I love him, I encourage him, I tell him he is wonderful and DIFFERENT and unique and to ALWAYS stay that way. Don't change for anyone! I think most parents of slightly not cool kids do that!! You let them know it's ok to be different. That's what makes them so special.
Now back to Kid A. AUTISM. Why does that one little word give us the ok to try and make our kids something they are not? Most of Drew's life has been about trying to "change" him to help him fit in.. behaviors and such. "look so and so in the eye" "quiet your hands/mouth" "stop doing this. stop doing that" "find your words" "stop repeating" Et cetera!!!!
We ask him to stop and change so much all day looong. Everyday. I wonder if what we are really doing is taking away a part of who he is...
And I am guilty of ALL of it. Telling Cole it's ok to be different and telling Drew it's not. Until today. Today a light bulb went off. I'm the one that needs to make some changes. Not my kids. So going forward I promise to be more aware of how my attitude and actions impact my amazing, special, different and unique kids!
Peace people :)
